By: Stacy Hoch: She sent me a message that said she doesn’t know how I keep all of my sh*t together and that she’s happy for me and envious at the same time.
She’s always wanted a baby and she figured by the age of 32 she’d be married with three kids. She’s now considering that her vision might not be in the cards for her.
My response moved through my fingers as if someone else had taken over:
I never wanted this. I never expected it. I was trying to survive my whole life, I wasn’t thinking of one day when I’d grow up and get married and have kids with a white picket fence. I thought I’d be dead by the time I was 17. When I made it to 18 I figured I’d better start creating something.
I think it comes easier for me to fill up on amazing things because I never had any preconceived notion of how or that they would come in the first place. I never tainted all of the avenues in which they could come by being so attached to how it looked that I shut down other possibilities. I knew how I wanted to feel, and I kept feeling…that.